Today is a great day :)

Why is today a great day? Two reasons:

1. It is the 16th anniversary of the day I was sexually assaulted; raped. This might be shocking news for some but it is normal for me and I bear no shame for talking about it. I have been open about my experience since day one. It is just one among many of the experiences I have survived. It is the only tragic experience in which I remember the date.

2. It is my best friend from high school's 35th birthday. We were badminton bad asses in gym class that's where we met. There was never a dull conversation; it eventually headed straight for the gutter which is never boring! :) We shopped at the mall, went out dancing or would hang out in her parent’s basement. Her dad had hooked Christmas lights up to flash with the music, GENIOUS!!! We were dorks together and stood by each other. When we talk now, which isn't often [no complaints] we can pick up right where we left off, even though we live 1300 miles apart. This is evidenced by the connection we have. I am very lucky to have this passionate woman as one of my closest friends. She is a rescuer of stranded kitties, a lover of all animal life and a true sweet heart. Having her in my life reminds me who I am.

Last year was the first year that February 11 slipped by without notice. It was the first time I felt no pain or anxiety. No nightmares or disturbed sleep. This year I have decided to honor my progress. I have realized my goal of freeing myself from the fear that kept me from moving forward in my life. I never thought I would be able to say this.

I would like to honor B. for giving me something special to look forward to on this day. Her birthday offered me a choice: to celebrate and embrace something positive or to wallow in endless negativity. To be happy is weightless and unrestricted; to be sad is heavy and confining. Every year I had to work on my choice, until it just became natural and comfortable for me. Allowing happiness in despite my horrible history was the best choice I could have made. Learning that I did have a choice and that it was OK to be happy opened so many more doors for me. I no longer had to avoid parties, or hide behind my camera; I don't jump as much when someone comes up behind me. I can trust again.

I want other women who have suffered similar tragedies to know that it might take a while but you can find a place for happiness in your life. I was not going to let another person take that choice away from me, I just had to work much harder at it to achieve it. I did not recover on my own; I relied on the borrowed strength of my loving boyfriend, my friends and my family. Bringing others in helped me replenish my own personal strength.

Now I have the luxury of dealing with everyday life, I do mean luxury. I can take everything in-stride and not allow situations to get blown to unmanageable proportions. I can tell you many things that I have learned about dealing with difficult life situations, but the most important one is that nothing can define you unless you let it. I guess I am letting this one define me a little, but only by the strength I gained to overcome it. Change is good!

Happy Birthday B.!!!!

With love,
Tammy
AnOrdinaryGirl™