Oh the Humidity!

It is that time of year again where the air gets damp and heat is edging in on us. But this year it is different for those of us in Florida, or the south really. We've been trapped inside since summer. Usually we are allowed to roam around outside or have our windows open in beautiful 70 degree weather for at least 3 months. This year we went straight from frigid temperatures [by Floridian standards, I know I'm from Iowa they had it much colder] to 80 degrees with humidity. I prefer the cold it makes me want to move.

I shouldn't complain. The weather has afforded me some really great opportunities to go out and work on photo projects. The light is amazing right now and since I have decided to go "au naturel" [sans strobes] I have had to pay very close attention to time management. I keep regular dates with my Hasselblad now. I plan to shoot outside until it is too hot then migrate to my office to scan film, work on digital files to get more of my work online for all of you to see.

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This blogging thing is new to me. Seems very self-centered and is difficult to decide what to write about. So I may digress to some other random thought, fact like now for instance :)

Back to work... Thank you for reading :)

~ Tammy
AnOrdinaryGirl™

Today is a great day :)

Why is today a great day? Two reasons:

1. It is the 16th anniversary of the day I was sexually assaulted; raped. This might be shocking news for some but it is normal for me and I bear no shame for talking about it. I have been open about my experience since day one. It is just one among many of the experiences I have survived. It is the only tragic experience in which I remember the date.

2. It is my best friend from high school's 35th birthday. We were badminton bad asses in gym class that's where we met. There was never a dull conversation; it eventually headed straight for the gutter which is never boring! :) We shopped at the mall, went out dancing or would hang out in her parent’s basement. Her dad had hooked Christmas lights up to flash with the music, GENIOUS!!! We were dorks together and stood by each other. When we talk now, which isn't often [no complaints] we can pick up right where we left off, even though we live 1300 miles apart. This is evidenced by the connection we have. I am very lucky to have this passionate woman as one of my closest friends. She is a rescuer of stranded kitties, a lover of all animal life and a true sweet heart. Having her in my life reminds me who I am.

Last year was the first year that February 11 slipped by without notice. It was the first time I felt no pain or anxiety. No nightmares or disturbed sleep. This year I have decided to honor my progress. I have realized my goal of freeing myself from the fear that kept me from moving forward in my life. I never thought I would be able to say this.

I would like to honor B. for giving me something special to look forward to on this day. Her birthday offered me a choice: to celebrate and embrace something positive or to wallow in endless negativity. To be happy is weightless and unrestricted; to be sad is heavy and confining. Every year I had to work on my choice, until it just became natural and comfortable for me. Allowing happiness in despite my horrible history was the best choice I could have made. Learning that I did have a choice and that it was OK to be happy opened so many more doors for me. I no longer had to avoid parties, or hide behind my camera; I don't jump as much when someone comes up behind me. I can trust again.

I want other women who have suffered similar tragedies to know that it might take a while but you can find a place for happiness in your life. I was not going to let another person take that choice away from me, I just had to work much harder at it to achieve it. I did not recover on my own; I relied on the borrowed strength of my loving boyfriend, my friends and my family. Bringing others in helped me replenish my own personal strength.

Now I have the luxury of dealing with everyday life, I do mean luxury. I can take everything in-stride and not allow situations to get blown to unmanageable proportions. I can tell you many things that I have learned about dealing with difficult life situations, but the most important one is that nothing can define you unless you let it. I guess I am letting this one define me a little, but only by the strength I gained to overcome it. Change is good!

Happy Birthday B.!!!!

With love,
Tammy
AnOrdinaryGirl™

Blogging on my terms...

If I am going to blog and share with you I am going to be who I am. I hope that you do not take offense to it. I have never been good at maintaining a facade, I don't believe in them. I have only one face. Though masks intrigue me, if I wear one I feel like I am sacrificing, neglecting or not honoring some part of myself and therefore preventing you from really getting to know me. I cannot live a lie. I cannot pretend to be just a photographer. I am a human who has lived a very human life. I have no shame in sharing my personal experiences mixed with my professional ones. They all happen to the same person so why bother drawing a line of distinction between them?

So where do we go from here? I have no idea but we'll see what happens. I love social experiments and have a passion for communication. As they say in TV "Stay Tuned".

I must go spend some time in the sun...

All the best,
Tammy
AnOrdinaryGirl™