AnOrdinaryGirl™

2010-01-23T07:25:00.001-05:00

Doing what drives you is the best way to move forward reguardless of what others say...only you know what is best. So trust yourself.

2010-01-12T19:17:00.001-05:00

Testing out blogger text posting...

Autonomy or Automaton?

2010-01-11T15:04:00.012-05:00

I've been hearing the word "automaton" a lot lately when a person is describing our future as humans, but more in the "we're not automatons" sense, a projection of where our species is heading. If you aren't sure what an "automaton" is here are two definitions:

Princeton's Wordnet:
Automaton: Noun S: (n) automaton, zombi, zombie (someone who acts or responds in a mechanical or apathetic way) "only an automaton wouldn't have noticed" S: (n) automaton, robot, golem (a mechanism that can move automatically)
http://wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=automaton

Oxford English Dictionary:
Automaton: noun (pl. automata /awtommt/ or automatons) 1 a moving mechanical device resembling a human being. 2 a machine which operates according to coded instructions.
http://www.askoxford.com/concise_oed/automaton?view=uk

I'd like to contrast this word with one that we would prefer to use to describe our species; Autonomous:

Princeton's Wordnet:
Autonomous: Adjective S: (adj) autonomous, independent, self-governing, sovereign ((of political bodies) not controlled by outside forces) S: (adj) autonomous (existing as an independent entity) S: (adj) autonomous, self-directed, self-reliant ((of persons) free from external control and constraint in e.g. action and judgment)
http://wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=autonomous&sub=Search+WordNet&o2=&o0=1&o7=&o5=&o1=1&o6=&o4=&o3=&h=0

Oxford English Dictionary:
Autonomous: adjective self-governing or independent.
http://www.askoxford.com/concise_oed/autonomous?view=uk

In some parts of the day we are automatons for our jobs or in our routines. Carrying out the will and wants of others in order to have our autonomy when we have free time. It is inevitable that we relinquish some of our freedoms to get others. Many suffer moral and personal dilemmas when faced with this conflicting truth.

On their own each is an extreme state. Extremes are very difficult to manage in and of themselves.

How do we work to find resolve or balance in a system that likes to spout off extreme ideals of freedom yet the way to get it is to work hard for someone else; independently employed or not? We will always have to give a little of ourselves to get a little of what we want. It's a barter system, though not always an equitable one - unless we negotiate wisely. It's up to us to be assertive enough to ask for what we need and want and to be realistic/pragmatic about the outcome.

That term itself: assertive is one that also causes confusion. It did for me. I always thought that being "assertive' meant being ego-driven, arrogant and aggressive at the expense of another. That definition never suited my personality. Here are the common definitions of assertiveness from a simple Internet search:

assertiveness - confident and forceful
http://www.askoxford.com/concise_oed/assertive?view=uk
assertiveness - aggressive self-assurance; given to making bold assertions wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

Definitions today have changed to a more positive view. I would say because being assertive does not mean you have to be aggressive, i.e. being mean.

Some new ways of defining assertiveness:

assertiveness - Asking for what one wants or acting to get what one wants in a way that respects the rights and feelings of other people.www.careinaction.com/resources_dict_a.html
for a detailed description: http://www.livestrong.com/article/14699-improving-assertive-behavior/

How does being assertive resolve the conflict created by the dichotomy of being an automaton and having autonomy? I may have mentioned my solution above: through negotiation, give and take, bartering, maintaining a realistic/pragmatic view of the situation... you need two additional things to achieve this: accurate information and the willingness to take perspective. Insight is important too but that is another post.

How does this all work together? By allowing yourself to be rational in making the decision and expressing emotion through assertive action you can balance the extremes of having autonomy and not being an automaton. We have to have both and it's okay, as long as you know where it all comes from in your life and you can find comfort in balancing it.

Apathy through constant distraction is dangerous, so is extremism. The future of our species will only suffer if we don't learn how to balance ourselves.

Just a little of what's working in my brain. Did it trigger anything in yours? Please share...

~ Tammy, anordinarygirl

It's been a while...

2009-06-04T18:15:00.004-04:00

I know, I know blogs are meant to be kept up with but as with the rest of the country I've been working part time to fill in the financial gaps. Maybe it's considered faux pas to be so honest, I'm an artist I'm allowed to have another job, starving does not suit me well; I love food too much.

I have to also admit that I have been a little hesitent about sharing here. How well does that serve me? So in the spirit of being open, from now on I vow to write once a week, it's a good start. I'm [this is] a work in progress and I look forward to sharing my personal insights with you.

Wishing you the best,
Tammy,
AnOrdinaryGirl™

For the love of...

2009-04-14T21:18:00.021-04:00

Photography.

What a way to struggle. I decided that what has made sense for me all along is to be an artist producing contemporary photographic images to share with the world. I've felt this since I was young but never believed it fully until last week when I was able to show myself that I could pull out all the stops for my very first public outing as a contemporary fine art photographer. Nothing has ever taken so much effort but felt so effortless at the same time. Bliss :)

The first week of preparation went very smoothly. Scanning in images, immersing myself in my work for the first time in a few years, where it was all about me and my process. The second week went even better as I scoured antique shops, a church rummage sale and thrift shops for the right frames for the images. Then staining them in between scans. I was having the time of my life.

Around week three my luck began to change. Which of course week three was my final week. Obstacles arouse around me the instant it came down to printing, matting and framing. To start the week off, I took a half day off. Tom was home for one evening and we were going to see each other no matter what. He had to leave the next day again for 4 days. The time off was OK I had most of the next day to print. At least that was my plan until 4 PM Tuesday came. I was working on resizing my 4000 dpi scans to 300 and just let me friend go on the phone when I heard and felt the most scary rattling that shook the whole house, alongside a very eerie sound not quite like the wind.

I thought to myself, "That was too big to be the cats!" [knocking something over] and ran from my office to the porch. There it was, one of the eight trees in our backyard had been twisted and toppled by the wind right onto the roof of the garage. It some how managed to bounce off the corner between the porch and the garage and then came to rest in the entryway to our yard, fitting perfectly within the fence and house. Missing the air-conditioning unit and the fence. The house suffered a through and through grapefruit sized hole in the eve. Which by all standards is getting off lucky in the scheme of things, It could have been much worse. If it weren't for my friends Mark and Sarah coming to our houses rescue, I might have lost my mind.

One day lost, not so bad. Extreme, but not out of the norm for me; at least it was in the space around me not blocking my path as trees have a tendency to do. I could make up the time the next day.

Wednesday: Crunch time. Three days to go. Time to print... I was borrowing a printer and of course a great adventure ensues. I was using roll paper since it is more economical, but maybe not as easy as I had imagined. I've used these printers before but not this model. If anyone else had been with me what happened next might have seemed hilarious. So I am loading the roll paper into the feeder, seems good. I tried to print and nothing was happening. So I hit the power button [note: never do this]. The paper began to feed through the printer in what had to be 3 foot segments. It didn't stop feeding through until, yes I measured, 11 feet of paper had fed off of my 32 foot roll. Of course I had white gloves on and did not spare 1 "F" bomb for later, I used every single one I had! The manual had no solution for the problem and I needed one fast! I called the printer company we spoke for an hour... "I'm sorry mam but you will have to cut the paper from the printer then hit the roll button for three seconds for it to retract." Urg!... Oh well lets get this thing moving... 1 more night lost, let's see if I can print, cut mats and frame in one day. Oh you need to sleep too, some time...

Cut to Thursday... print, spray UV lacquer, cut mats... triptych first... Wow I am not fast and my brain was slowing down time for a three hour nap. Friday April 10 was just a sunrise away and I had to hang at 10 AM... It was down to the wire.

Friday 10:25 AM If it weren't for Brook Pifer being a great supporter [she graciously gave me this opportunity] and allowing me to set up shop in her studio the day of the event to finish cutting mats and hang, and with Tom's help, I don't think I could have made it in time.

By 4:15 PM Tom and I are hanging frames and leaving to get ready for the 7 o'clock start time.

7 PM the show has opened the doors for the SHO Foundation Art SHO fundraiser featuring myself and 3 other local female artists as well as a DJ and some crazy laser projection painting.

From what I have heard two times the anticipated number of people attended. That is pretty amazing! This was a very motivating experience for me.

I would like to thank Brook and the SHO Foundation for giving me this opportunity to expose the public to my work. I would also like to thank the love of my life Tom for coming in on a red eye from LA to be there for me and help me hang with no sleep, Sarah for keeping me company and doing some serious math and her hubby for freeing our house from the clutches of the fallen tree's limb, Laura, Kristin, Denny, Tony, Ken and Ed for making a special effort to be there and show support for me. Thank you :)

For a peek at what work was in the show: http://www.anordinarygirl.com/art_show_2009/

Stay tuned!

~ Tammy

Oh the Humidity!

2009-02-12T15:54:00.002-05:00

It is that time of year again where the air gets damp and heat is edging in on us. But this year it is different for those of us in Florida, or the south really. We've been trapped inside since summer. Usually we are allowed to roam around outside or have our windows open in beautiful 70 degree weather for at least 3 months. This year we went straight from frigid temperatures [by Floridian standards, I know I'm from Iowa they had it much colder] to 80 degrees with humidity. I prefer the cold it makes me want to move.

I shouldn't complain. The weather has afforded me some really great opportunities to go out and work on photo projects. The light is amazing right now and since I have decided to go "au naturel" [sans strobes] I have had to pay very close attention to time management. I keep regular dates with my Hasselblad now. I plan to shoot outside until it is too hot then migrate to my office to scan film, work on digital files to get more of my work online for all of you to see.

...

This blogging thing is new to me. Seems very self-centered and is difficult to decide what to write about. So I may digress to some other random thought, fact like now for instance :)

Back to work... Thank you for reading :)

~ Tammy
AnOrdinaryGirl™

Today is a great day :)

2009-02-11T15:05:00.000-05:00

Why is today a great day? Two reasons:

1. It is the 16th anniversary of the day I was sexually assaulted; raped. This might be shocking news for some but it is normal for me and I bear no shame for talking about it. I have been open about my experience since day one. It is just one among many of the experiences I have survived. It is the only tragic experience in which I remember the date.

2. It is my best friend from high school's 35th birthday. We were badminton bad asses in gym class that's where we met. There was never a dull conversation; it eventually headed straight for the gutter which is never boring! :) We shopped at the mall, went out dancing or would hang out in her parent’s basement. Her dad had hooked Christmas lights up to flash with the music, GENIOUS!!! We were dorks together and stood by each other. When we talk now, which isn't often [no complaints] we can pick up right where we left off, even though we live 1300 miles apart. This is evidenced by the connection we have. I am very lucky to have this passionate woman as one of my closest friends. She is a rescuer of stranded kitties, a lover of all animal life and a true sweet heart. Having her in my life reminds me who I am.

Last year was the first year that February 11 slipped by without notice. It was the first time I felt no pain or anxiety. No nightmares or disturbed sleep. This year I have decided to honor my progress. I have realized my goal of freeing myself from the fear that kept me from moving forward in my life. I never thought I would be able to say this.

I would like to honor B. for giving me something special to look forward to on this day. Her birthday offered me a choice: to celebrate and embrace something positive or to wallow in endless negativity. To be happy is weightless and unrestricted; to be sad is heavy and confining. Every year I had to work on my choice, until it just became natural and comfortable for me. Allowing happiness in despite my horrible history was the best choice I could have made. Learning that I did have a choice and that it was OK to be happy opened so many more doors for me. I no longer had to avoid parties, or hide behind my camera; I don't jump as much when someone comes up behind me. I can trust again.

I want other women who have suffered similar tragedies to know that it might take a while but you can find a place for happiness in your life. I was not going to let another person take that choice away from me, I just had to work much harder at it to achieve it. I did not recover on my own; I relied on the borrowed strength of my loving boyfriend, my friends and my family. Bringing others in helped me replenish my own personal strength.

Now I have the luxury of dealing with everyday life, I do mean luxury. I can take everything in-stride and not allow situations to get blown to unmanageable proportions. I can tell you many things that I have learned about dealing with difficult life situations, but the most important one is that nothing can define you unless you let it. I guess I am letting this one define me a little, but only by the strength I gained to overcome it. Change is good!

Happy Birthday B.!!!!

With love,
Tammy
AnOrdinaryGirl™

Blogging on my terms...

2009-02-10T14:47:00.001-05:00

If I am going to blog and share with you I am going to be who I am. I hope that you do not take offense to it. I have never been good at maintaining a facade, I don't believe in them. I have only one face. Though masks intrigue me, if I wear one I feel like I am sacrificing, neglecting or not honoring some part of myself and therefore preventing you from really getting to know me. I cannot live a lie. I cannot pretend to be just a photographer. I am a human who has lived a very human life. I have no shame in sharing my personal experiences mixed with my professional ones. They all happen to the same person so why bother drawing a line of distinction between them?

So where do we go from here? I have no idea but we'll see what happens. I love social experiments and have a passion for communication. As they say in TV "Stay Tuned".

I must go spend some time in the sun...

All the best,
Tammy
AnOrdinaryGirl™

My actual first post

2008-03-10T10:48:00.002-04:00

A found but not uploaded post: 3/10/08

I am sitting at my desk in my soon to be old apartment. My boyfriend and I have done something not many people are doing these days; We bought a house. I am entering in quicken the receipts from Home Depot, my friend Sarah was right, You'll think you have all you need until you discover you need something else.